Give it a day

Anger presents itself as urgent. The reply must be sent now, the correction delivered now, the record set straight now. That urgency is part of the anger, not part of the situation.

Seneca’s advice is almost embarrassingly plain: give it time. Time, he argues, uncovers the truth of the matter, and anger is frequently built on a first account of events that turns out to be incomplete.

Notice what the delay is for. It is not suppression, and it is not pretending you are calm. It is a bet that your judgment of the same facts will be more accurate tomorrow, a bet that almost always pays, because the facts stay put while the heat does not.

A practice for today

The overnight rule

1. Draft the angry reply if you must. Send nothing.
2. Name what you believe happened, in one sentence, and mark it as the first account.
3. Wait until tomorrow, or an hour if the matter truly cannot wait a day.
4. Reread the first account. Revise it if it needs revising, then respond once, deliberately.

Some things deserve anger, and the delay does not decide that question against you. If the account survives the night intact, respond with its full weight. The rule only ensures the response is aimed by the facts rather than fired by the heat.